• Taciturn

    This is the first piece I’ve written with the intention of spoken word. And there must be that intention or else nothing I write is meant to be heard. I felt such fleeting conviction after listening to Ebony Stewart. And listening to her again reminds me to be more scared of not trying than the impediment so often keeping my poetry trapped inside.

    I don’t know how to do this
    	how do I say what I wrote
            when I can’t even speak what I think?
    Writing comes easy – sometimes
    I feel the fraud when my pen scrawls
    	yet my metaphoric mentalese is
    	picturesque
    Still my tongue slips – trips over translation

    Read this and find my voice in the curves 
             my tone in the drift
             your emotions evoked 
    by my hand – I would have you
    examine the contents connecting body and mind
    you would feel – from my hands
            my frustration at miscommunication
    	echoes from the mouth 
    of the caverns that keep me

    Strike a match and see my visceral cathedral
    	watch the walls gleam
    	like shattered glass
    let me feel what you feel – keep me
    bleeding along the edges of my mineral luster
    	carve out what you can
    	hold me to your heart
    let me listen to the sacred symmetry

    A pain worth bearing to know you 
            don’t listen to what I say
            find me entombed in the page
    by your hand – I would have you
    listen to the walls singing earthsongs in their veins
    I can feel – through your hands
    	shimmering ley lines pulsing 
            the mountain mother’s blood
    her heart is our own

    I would have you – within confines of my mind
    	hear me in your hands
    follow my curves to where we shine
    deep within these words that trap me inside

  • Mentalese

    What’s in a word?

    A lot, as it turns out. Do you have a favorite? Or a favourite way to spell certain words? As you’re thinking about it, one of mine is in action – mentalese.

    Mentalese is the language of the mind, but I think of it also as a place because when we think about what we are thinking about we create a reflective observatory within ourselves. Here, all the words taken for granted and all the passing thoughts flitting by faster than the speed of sound are played back in slow motion.

    Actively listening to our mentalese can be a hazardous perspective, so as you think about what you’re thinking about, remember that it is also a sanctuary. Honesty, sincerity, trust and tolerance are the cornerstones of this space through which we learn to accept ourselves with a deeper comprehension of just who this self is. “Unconditional” is the bonus word of the day here. While you may discover intrusive thoughts, know that thoughts are merely processes. We need all kinds if we are to build a sense of morality. Exploring them in this sanctuary does not mean you will act on them. And if you find a monster, it is probably better to leave it in its natural habitat – trying to dissociate from it will certainly have consequences. Who knows, they might even have some great ideas for your next project!

    I think practicing this type of active listening improves the clarity of the thoughts we convey to others. Since I think in visual metaphors, I find being tuned into my mentalese helps me create with less need for translation. There is a better connection between the abstract and the concrete that improves how I convey meaning without overworking a poem. There is an intuitive exercise at play here that has helped me explore stray thoughts (more rabbit warren than hole) without getting lost. I think this gives me a unique vantage when providing feedback on others’ work as well.

    No doubt there is something to be said about brain plasticity and creating new neural pathways here, but for now let’s just say learning is healthy!

    As you can tell, I have manifested my mentalese into this site. …Does that mean I digitized my semiconsciousness?? The more I think about it, the more a dark space with flickering shadows from a fire whose heat refracts light and reason makes perfect sense. Not unlike Plato’s allegory of the Cave, but the sole prisoner is my monster – a paradoxical Kantian pantheist called “Redde”. Perhaps for their auric glow…

    What does your mentalese sound and/or look like to you?